Tag Archives: life

We still need to talk more about this!!! 

So, I have a female friend who is an actress and she has been in the game not for a very log time but at least she has been in the industry doing her thing. Just in the near past, as they were shooting a film for their next episode of their drama, she started noticing something strange from one of their actors who couldn’t be okay with the cast he was given. Well this is it, apparently, somewhere in between the episode was supposed to be a romantic scene and the perfect duo to cast the scene was her and the man in the story. Now this is the sweetest part, the man could not take the part as he was really feeling extremely uneasy to cast it. Anyway, who would never want to cast a romantic scene surely?  Who?  He completely refused not saying why and the entire team had to restructure the episode again.  

They never did a follow up to find out the background reason why he refused. Now, being that this lady who I am going to call ‘’Jane’’ and the man let’s call him ‘’Victor’’, were close friends and they could make out more often, meaning, they could talk even ahead of things. 

Why am I saying this story even in the first place?  

I was a victim here. You know how you always have your friends’  photos on your gallery and you may decide to show some of your close friends about your other friends who they don’t know? So ‘’Jane’’ happened to have some of my photos and as they were going through the gallery with ‘’Victor’’, he saw my photo and pulled her fingers from scrolling and said, ”stop. Go back to the previous photo.” And boom!! It was me. He got impressed and could not hide his secrets and feelings anymore. I know you are now wondering what???? The same way you are wondering is the same way that ‘’Jane’’ was left tongue tied when ‘’Victor’’ told her that ‘’…wow!!! This guy looks very handsome… and am just falling in love with him…’’ unlucky me!! I impressed a fellow man to fall in love with me!!! Jesus! Now the next big task was to find me so that I could say yes. Unfortunately, that could not happen since Jane herself could not even let him access me now that that was his intention of meeting me.

A previous photo of me just chilling in the house

I personally was aware of such things in our society but never imagined that I could be a victim one day. Victor is a young man who is just in his early 20’s. At least at this point, it was clear to Jane since Victor had come out of the closet to tell her about his sexual orientation and identity that he belonged to the LGBT (Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals and Trans gender) community.  

Now that I was involved in this story and Jane too was worried about her friend. I had to go deeper into it rather than just being aware that such characters exist in every kind of society. In my country Kenya, it is illegal to belong to such a community since our culture does not recognize it but this doesn’t mean that they do not exist. We just have to learn how to cope up with them.  


Image result for lgbt
All the actual category of the entire LGBT groups.

It is commonly known to many as homosexuality, where one gets interested, or attracted to the members of the same sex and it is referred to as Gay in men and lesbianism in women and there are even those who do both sides, Bisexuals among other many categories that one may belong to.  But, in real sense, it’s not a thing of the present as most people would put it and attribute it to westernization. Actually, homosexuality dates back to the ancient times of Greek and Rome as such terms were evident in the works of ancient Philosophers like Plato and Socrates and there even existed photos and carvings crafted showing people of the same sex showing intimacy. History says that it existed since the early 1500 BCE.  

In Africa the first evidence showing homosexuality was first discovered in Egypt of two men who lived at around 2400 BCE and they were the first male couples believed to have gotten married and they were called Khnumhotep and Niankhnum where their tomb was discovered in 1964 and they were buried together like married people.  

Image result for Khnumhotep and Niankhnum
This were the drawings discovered at their tomb


Image result for Khnumhotep and Niankhnum

Image result for Khnumhotep and Niankhnum

Fast forwarding the story to the resent times, this kind of traits have been seen manifesting into many people from all parts of the world. There is nowhere free of LGBT community, some states accepting it, some denying it.  

A study was actually done in the US about homosexuality, evident in the famous Kinsey Report of 1948, where the report says that women dominated the community and that only 30% of the American male had engaged. In an extensive case study both men and women were put under study to watch a film, then, women became sexually aroused when they viewed heterosexual  and lesbianism erotic films while those males who were straight were turned on only when they watched erotic films with  women, the gay ones were turned on with those erotic films with men only.  the aim of the study was to find out the manifestation of homosexuality in both men and women.

From those findings, could we say that women’s sexual desire is less rigidly directed towards a particular sex as compared to men’s? As in, women get attracted easily to any gender compared to men? What do you think? Defend your side. According to me, I think it is changeable over time along someone’s life cycle though doesn’t apply to all people. As in, younger ladies embrace this behavior but as they grow older, the quit.  

(N/B; the Kinsey report have always been criticized since people have always had varying opinions on this topic and  they have always come out to add more clarity to it. ) 

With that in mind let’s therefore look at the causes. 


So far, scientist have only established two possible causes of homosexuality.  

  1. Biological factors though  a determinant for sexual orientation has not been comprehensively demonstrated on how it would lead to one ending up being a homosexual but they never lack a hypothesis which they actually attribute to the following factors as the possible causes;


  1. Chromosomal linkage studies – they try to find out if there is a link between genes of the same character.
  2.  Epigenetic studies – they study heritable changes in the genes (active against inactive genes) to find out possible causes. 
  3. Birth orders – try to find out if there is a trend of such character by looking at the birth order on how kids are born in that particular family. 
  4. Female fertility – they try to find out if the fertility of the mother have been affected by other factors that may disorient one’s sexual orientation and identity. 
  5. Pheromone studies – done to find out if there are any chemicals that might have been secreted to affect ones sexual orientation. 

 Environmental factors where they again attribute possible influences from; 

  1. Parenting – attributing to how your parents brought you up, telling you homosexuality is good or bad. 
  2. Family love at young ages- shifting focus to Freud’s psychoanalytic stages of development (nurture and nature)  
  3. Urban settings – where one is brought up and what is practiced, basically looking at the effects of urbanization 
  4. Cultural influences – what ones culture accepts or rejects  
  5. Evolutionary perspectives – attributed to family inheritance, who you learn it from.  
  6. Political activism – political parties aligning themselves to accepting homosexuality and supporting those who belong to this community to be heard and treated equally as straight people. 
  7. Peer, aggression and conformity – because your friend does it, you also agree to do it and become one just because he have told you it is good/nothing wrong with it. 
  8. Self-experiment – effects of trying to do what you always see or hear from some people. 
  9. To some people its business – sometimes, somebody just engage in the act because he is offered a few bucks, it becomes a habit of making bucks now. 


To me personally, I may say that the environmental factors plays a big role in making someone change his or her sexual orientation identity since they look more justifiable and evident and the choice sits with an individual on whether to choose which side you want to align yourself to. The biological factors could also contribute but not out of choice, you are either naturally born belonging to the community or not. Anyway, my opinions are not endorsements so do not go and start confronting your friend on how what is true. Remember up there we said that this are only hypothesis. They have not been completely confirmed.  

Coming out 

Mostly know as coming out of the closet.  

This is basically a phrase used to mean disclosure of one’s sexual orientation and identity and it is always described in three phases, the first one is knowing oneself internally of whether you are a homosexual or heterosexual, the second phase is now the decision to come out to others like family members and close friends and the final phase is when one has accepted and living openly in society as a homosexual. 

These people who belong to this community always have a high chance of rejection in the society since most people are not like them and would not even want to associate with them once they come out about their orientation 

Is it a disorder? 

Well before 1973, it could be termed as a disorder. You ever heard of the American Psychiatry Association (APA) and their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM)? In 1952, the APA published its first DSM I and homosexuality was included in as a disorder. This sparked a lot of controversies and discussions and it was even challenged that it lacked consistency to produce empirical and scientific basis regarding it as a disorder or abnormality. If we look at a state to which someone has to be classified abnormal, a problem must first exist and the behavior must be termed deviant (not accepted by many in a society). According to APA they must have been correct in their own view since not everyone was a homosexual plus, the individuals had a problem coping up with people from the opposite sex when it comes to affection and sex. That was abnormal but they could not prove this argument so they had to lose the case. 

They therefore urged all mental institutions and other organizations and other mental professionals to stop terming it an abnormality and remove all the stigma associated with such orientations which we saw the World Health Organization (WHO) which had just updated in their ICD-10 that homosexuality was a disorder from ICD-9 removing it as a disorder. The same happened the Chinese Society of Psychiatry which removed theirs too from their Chinese Classification of Mental Disorders in 2001 after 5 years of research proving it not a disorder. 

The main reason why they had to scrap it off was that homosexuals were just normal people who functioned well just like other people who are straight and they were just living a happy life and as productive as other people and healthy. There is no abnormality associated with them. Even if we look at their sex life, they all show comparable expectations and ideals with regard to romantic relationships and people with this orientation express their sexuality in a variety of ways and may or may not express it in their behavior.  

So, the answer here is a valid NO, it is NOT A DISORDER.  



Though efforts have always been made to try and change these people to be heterosexuals, there is completely no adequate scientific proof that one have cured homosexuality and managed to change a person’s orientation. APA still comes clear on this that it’s not a choice that can be changed at will though over a period of time, it may be changed but not as easy as we think.   

Some of the methods that have been identified to be of help include psychotherapysupport groups who support the people belonging to this community so that they may come to reality and change and life events where those who have changed are used as props to testify why they should be straight. Through this, an individual may become aware at different points in their lives and they could change to become straight only if it was not caused by biological factors (It is like someone telling you to become a woman when you are a man!!!! Completely impossible even through surgery) 

One last method that have been suggested include that might help is the conversion therapy. 

In this method, scientists suggest that when we use psychological and spiritual interventions, it may work. This is applied through classical conditioning (you must have heard about classical conditioning in my previous article; Telling your story to uplift others!!! 

Basically in classical conditioning the individual is subjected to an aversive conditioned stimulus while at the same time denying him or her what we want to get rid off him or her. Therefore by subjecting them continuously to the conditioned stimulus and denying they chance to practicing homosexuality they begin to elicit conditioned response from the conditioned stimulus and at the same time, learning a new behavior resulting from the denial of practicing homosexuality. When this is repeated several times, it should be able to work and the person might change. We psychologists believe so.  Remember when you have a young kid and whenever you go with her to the supermarket and she sees sweets, she begins to cry because she want the sweets, she gets used to this behavior (crying to get sweets) and anytime you go with her to the supermarket and she sees the sweets, she cries. When you want to stop her from this crying habit, you now condition her, so, whenever you go with her to the supermarket, you do not pass with her where the sweets are and even if she starts to cry, you still do not buy her the sweets, you don’t reinforce the crying habit anymore, overtime she will get used to it and will not cry. Now that is a model of what we call classical conditioning. 

Partying shot 

Now I believe that you have a deep idea of what homosexuality is and what it entails. It’s now upon you to devise a plan on how to interact with them and how to treat them because they are just normal people like us. Make some sense out of this story. I do not care even if it’s legal or illegal in your country but the fact still remains that the LGBT community will always continue to exist in any generation.  


You may share with me your views in the comment section below and tell me what you think.

Thanks for reading and as always,  

God Bless You.  

Simon Ouma 











…And this is it,

full frame shot of eye
Photo by Vladislav Reshetnyak on Pexels.com


My honest opinion.

Network Marketing.

So, I spend a lot of my time online researching and reading various stories so that am always informed in a lot of online related things including Network Marketing coz that is what most  Nairobi youths and maybe nationwide at large are battling and this is due to the psychological messages that you always send to new members to win their hearts so that they may join your scheme, which ideally in many occasions, you win because most of youths are jobless and it has reached a point in our lives that, whenever we hear something related to and might be generating us money, we become so happy and eager to engage into it. Then, you manage sustain staying there because the “firm” itself promises you good deeds indeed that you won’t leave it any soon unless you think deeper.


So, originally, network marketing was created to be a business model in which a distributor network is needed to build a business and usually such businesses are also “Multi-Level Marketing” (MLM) in nature, which I have been telling you, in that, payouts occur at more than one level, the more people you recruit, the more payout you get.

And this kind of business is more familiar with people looking for part time job or just flexible business which has actually been the “most   model of advert you use to recruit others”, I mean it makes it look more promising and faster convincing.


To make it look more legit, they incorporate somewhat kind of an actual selling of products which doesn’t work at all coz people don’t buy them. So, mostly they ask participants to recruit other sales representatives such that when I join the organization, I know that I am going to do actual sales but in between there, you get assimilated into that MLM culture and you just get used to it. And then, recruiting becomes their main agenda than selling products because they don’t make any profit to sustain all the members and pay them, so the more members you recruit and they pay for the subscription services available and upgrades, the more money the firm makes, you also become a boss you are as well upgraded with people under you. And that is why it’s called a pyramid scheme but they always refuse that just because they want to maintain that good image and earn people’s trust and achieve more credibility.



In Kenya, this is not left behind, they have been existing and just to name but a few, I have seen Alliance in Motion (AIM global),  GIF among others, and if you follow up, you will always find that their office is always just in one place, all of them, the head office is in Nairobi, Commerce House, 4th floor. I even think that it’s one firm that keeps renaming it self after getting busted and not paying its people.


Just the other day, one of their members sent me their web address which I deeply interacted with and found out that their head office is also located in the same place. The website is really lucrative and I salute the designer, it’s worth it. I read through it, found some articles, which are good, I tried to look through the products page to see the products they are selling, I found nothing there. Again, they also said that they offer web hosting services but it’s not even described there, nothing not even a Link!!!!! What a secret firm?


Then, I came about their telegram channel Link, I clicked on it and boom, it took me to the telegram channel, thought I would find something there, No. The only things I saw were posters of how who has done what, instructions from their bosses, advising people to upgrade, and some other motivational quotes and fliers and books, you remember up there I said they use a lot of psychology to channel their messages? Right now you know why, to encourage you not to quit and leave them. There also, no products being sold at all. I wonder what they sell then. Maybe somebody send me photos I see.


I may not deny that am not a victim, I have once been a victim and I was almost joining, I was almost getting inside that recruitment office back in 2015 but something just changed my mind and left ( I realized some mischief). From there, I went and did an extensive research about this schemes and that which was trying to recruit me as well and I just found out that they are going nowhere. They are just wasting our time and money, I or we, better do something else than recruiting people, to pay Ksh. 200 to join. I really pity them. So even you as a member, am not telling you to quit but, just digest this piece and think of what you want to do with your life. Is it the right way to follow, or is it the right thing to do? Are you heading somewhere with it? And if yes, where exactly do you see yourself at? The answer lies with you. Follow your heart.


Anyway, I may write and write but people who send me this texts trying to recruit me usually do not know that I have more knowledge of what they are even trying to recruit me into than them. I have had more experience than the New people who are just joining and think they know it all but they are only aggressive.

Let me cut the long story short and I hope you learn something from my story.

Thank you for reading and I wish you the best in your endeavors

A Simon Kitvan story.

Related; Are you moving too fast!

Telling your story to uplift others!!!


How often have you ever told your stories to other people who needed to hear them the most for one reason or another, do you remember an occasion in your life where you managed to do something because someone uplifted you emotionally and motivated you when you were almost giving up, or just that he was experienced and you needed a start up? Well that is what we are going to talk about today.

But first, let’s look at the process of motivation in brief. In psychology, it is called conditioning and to be specific, it’s called vicarious conditioning. I bet you have always experienced this a lot but you might just have no idea it’s what you are experiencing. To make it sink faster, do you remember anytime you saw your friend falling down and hurt his leg and you also kind of imagined the pain he was feeling and could even feel it but you are not hurt? That condition is what we call vicarious conditioning. It is basically feeling the same experience -through imagination- that someone is going through, if it was something hurting, you can imagine the pain, saddening, you also be sad, happy, you also feel the joy. It is just an observational process of learning to respond in a particular way by watching others, who are called models. And that is why it is called vicarious conditioning because it involves learning by watching others acquire responses through classical or operant conditioning and through it, you are able to learn various attitudes, feelings, beliefs and emotions, not through direct exposure to a stimulus, but through observing how others have gone through a whole experience. That was just a brief introduction of how the process of motivation comes about, I would not go deep into it, maybe if you want a full review, comment down below so that I can know and make it.

Anyway, back to our story, motivating someone is often not that easy as people might think it is, in fact, they do fail a lot because people usually start by giving a lengthy speech without minding about the specimen, the one getting motivation. But this rarely works because motivation has to start inside others, you have to accept yourself challenged and the person motivating must also accept to fully share their story with no bias at all. And according to me, the best way to motivate others is to start by listening to what they want to do or what happened to them. Find out what the person’s goals and dreams are since it would be better and easier if you were in the same school of thought together for something positive to come out. But always just for the benefit of the masses, never shy away from telling your story to people to. You never know how many people want and would make use of your piece of advice. It is also a chance to them since the they might have personally wanted to meet you but they don’t have that access to you.

Before you inspire others, you have to know the essence of your inspiration, what it will create to those you are trying to inspire. You first have to know if it hold any substance that can impact something positive to somebody else out there who is listening to you. To me, I think that we tell our stories to others to uplift them, to educate them, to warn them against something, to tell them real life stories that are full of truth and should also be justifiable among others. The person you are inspiring should be able to automatically see truth and sync it with his/her own wish experience. Do not just create own fictional and emotional stories because here, you are talking to at least mature people who knows how to make sense out of something and may judge your story to see if it hold any truth in it.

They say experience is the best teacher, in the world of today, there are those who have experience a lot and have been exposed to a lot and if you are that person, you are the one who should uplift others in any way applicable. You see, motivation does not entail talking only, it comes in many ways as long as it is associated with a positive reward after. Use whatever you have experienced as an example and have a teaching for them through making a very close and an open relationship with them so that they can learn your trust, not seeing you as just an impostor into their lives.

Again, on a personal level, at some point, your past experiences should also uplift you individually if you view them positively. Be someone who learns from the environment. Behavior is learned, view things positively and remember not to move too fast in making decisions because you might just be messing up. The world is full of good positive things, make use of them, be positive yourself since in mathematics, I was told that a plus, plus another plus, equals a plus (+) + (+) =+. The same theory would apply in real life.

Just to use myself as an example in relation to the writing world, when I was starting, it was not easy, a lot of people criticized me and even told me that i was wasting their time but i never gave up, the few people who kept commending are what became my strength and I’m now gaining recognition and people are liking my stories, just that brief today, moral of it being; nothing comes easy, even the things that people despise the most. I always try to make sense and respect people and things that I interact with and they teach me a lot. Up there, I just talked about vicarious conditioning and through the consequences of other people’s behavior, I learn something new from them. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you are but at some point in your life, you always feel so low that you need someone to lift up. Age also doesn’t matter when it comes to motivation and inspiration, even a young kid can motivate you, I mean anyone can motivate you, even the most looked down upon can motivate you but, only depending on your perception.

I believe sharing is caring and I had to throw this here, so on this day, I am leaving the house heading to town to check up on something, I’m in the bus, then a man enters carrying a back pack but he is not sitting down and there were just empty seats there. Then I saw him opening his bag and I quickly concluded that he was a hawker and he wanted to start hawking. I really hated hawkers so, I put on the other earphone on my other ear and increased the volume to the max. That is how hard I hated hawkers. He removed one book from the bag and started talking, I never bothered to listen to what he was saying. The bus was also playing some music so not everyone could hear him but he was so determined. I could steal some glances at him I noticed that he was constantly looking at me while talking because I was the one not cooperating the most. I still did not remove my earphones. He picked another book from the bag and came straight to me and I heard him tell me ‘’… bro, I know you are enjoying your music and you won’t mind listening to me but please, just take this book and go through it quickly, you might learn something new today. Please.’’

I felt so shy so I removed my earphones and took the book and I remember the first thing I saw was the tittle of the book, wow! It just caught my attention and it read, ‘’You Are Not Too Far From The Finish Line.’’ What a title of a book! So I decided to give the book a little more attention and turned to the back to read about the author of the book and the first thing I see is the photo of the author and he is exactly the same person giving me this book to go through. Digging further to read through his profile, he is a graduate from the renowned University of Nairobi with Degree in Agricultural Biotechnology and this is the interesting part, he achieved this while serving his conviction in prison, he was serving his jail term and at the same time, schooling!!!! Wow!!! That was a blow to me. Clearly, that man definitely have experienced a lot than I have and he is so humble with his life, not that he has made it but he is now trying to recollect his life in another way since he was given another chance to live and the world actually welcomed him into the free wold from prison, he was a completely changed man and meant only good to this world.

So in brief, he was basically talking to people about his past experiences and telling us that life has another chance and that we should not just give up because of what we are going through, we won’t go through them forever, we will progress if we are humble and putting in more work. And that was not his only book, he have authored other books too which are really doing well. I know you might not see the essence of this story but let me just tell you. you should not and never look down upon someone because you never know what made them the way they are, you don’t know why or even what they are going through. You are but may not be the best. Respect others. Tomorrow might just be their day and you have no idea how they will treat you.

In summary, everybody successful we see out here did not achieve them overnight, they started somewhere and gradually, they reached where they are today. I think in our today’s generation, we don’t see the need for patience and working hard to achieve success but we just wish to achieve them instantly as soon as possible so that we can be on the same level with those successful people we see and admire. We are even willing to engage into anything that puts us close to wealth even if it’s risking your life, all you think about is wealth. This will never work and even if it works for you it will not last longer unless luck was on your side. Plus, do not depend on motivation only such that the only thing you are looking for is motivation but still sit there doing nothing, you will just be the same person you were before. If you have always experienced something and banked some good experience with it, please, do remember to share your story, it might be helpful to someone out there, show them the way and how it should be done, it uplifts them somehow and to the person being motivated, always remember that failing to try is trying to fail. Get out of the comfort zone.

Also read my related story Are you moving too fast!

As always, God bless you.

Simon Ouma